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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385094">Demons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22'>QueenOfNewOrleans22</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:07:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nikki doesn't talk about what's bothering him, and Mick is determined to talk about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mick Mars/Nikki Sixx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You know what, Mick?" </p><p>It was dark, both inside and outside. The smell of smoke and whisky was still lingering like ghosts in the air, unable to disappear. The hotel room was undoubtedly one of the better ones that they'd stayed at- the carpet was clean, and so were the walls. For once, the towels in the bathroom had been washed, and there didn't seem to be any cockroaches. </p><p>Mick opened his eyes. "Huh?" He said, voice thick with sleep. </p><p>One of the downsides about a higher scale hotel was that it was harder to sneak around like a bunch of teenagers. But they'd managed to set apart the time to spend together, even if it was only for a few hours that could be explained away by saying that they'd been practicing or writing lyrics, an endeavor that they both usually partook in. </p><p>Nikki raised one of his hands and motioned vaguely into the air. "I'm done thinking." He said. </p><p>"Done thinking about what?" Mick asked, half-asleep and very confused. He blinked, his eyesight a little foggy, but it cleared up after a moment. </p><p>"Life." Nikki said. "Now let's fuck." </p><p>And like the twenty-something that he was, Nikki rolled onto his stomach and crawled forward like some demon straight on of a horror movie. A <em>handsome </em>one, Mick would admit all the same, but he hadn't exactly been expecting this at...what? </p><p>He glanced over at the clock.</p><p>3:30. </p><p>"Now?" Mick said, fully awake but still confused. This was his penance, surely, for joining a band full of young people, and then getting involved with one of those young people. It was in reserves, Mick supposed. </p><p>Nikki was now laying partially atop of Mick. "Yes, now." He said impatiently. "You can just lay there. I'll do the work." </p><p>As enticing as the idea was, it wasn't exactly what felt right. </p><p>Mainly because something was wrong. </p><p>Mick wasn't senile. Not yet, anyways, and his mind was still sharp as a tack. </p><p>He didn't know what exactly was wrong, but it was easy enough to put it all into perspective. </p><p>Picture this- two men in a dimly lit hotel room, dressed in only their pants, shirts long having been abandoned onto the floor. There's years between them, but maybe, just maybe, that's what makes them work.</p><p>"Wait-" Mick said, grasping Nikki by the younger man's bony elbow. It takes a minute for Mick to gather his thoughts and find his voice. But the words escape him. A long moment passed by, and Nikki stares, eyes narrowed in that distinctly suspicious way of his. Mick swallowed past his anxiety, throwing caution to the wind. Oh, well, there's no better time to discuss long-standing issues than in the middle of the night after being offered sex, right? "Listen, Nik. I think you are hiding things from me." Mick said, hoping that the words came out better than they sounded. </p><p>Nikki flinched. "What are you talking about?" He demanded, voice sharp and defensive. He pulled himself away so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking ready to run. </p><p>Cursing himself, Mick sat up, ignoring the pain that was radiating across his lower back. "No, not like that." He hurried to say, reaching over and grabbing Nikki by his arm, but the other man wrenched his arm from the grip and stood. "God, Nik, I didn't mean that." </p><p>But it was all lost from Nikki, whose arms were crossed in a protective manner over his chest, as if prepping for a fight. "Then what?" He whispered, but in that whisper was thinly veiled anger, and perhaps a strange fear. </p><p>Mick struggled internally, at a loss. He wished desperately that he hadn't said a word, but at the same time, he didn't. This needed to be talked abou, no matter how hard it was. "You're hiding your pain. I can see it." He said, voice pitched low, trying to be less threatening. "I'm sorry that I said it like I did but, really, I'm not an idiot." </p><p>But the storm clouds had already gathered. Thunder boomed, a ominous warning from above.</p><p>Nikki scowled, "No, I'm not." He replied, but he was slowly backing away at the same time, until, eventually, he was near the door. It was a cold reality that Mick didn't like, that Nikki always sought out an immediate escape whenever things got rough, but all was said and done. There was nothing for Mick to do but show his empty hands, and not move, to barely even breathe. </p><p>It was a risky move to even bring the situation up. It was even riskier for Mick not to immediately backtrack and just go with the original plan. </p><p>"Please, just don't lie." Mick said, his desperation bleeding through in his tone. </p><p>He had been in previous relationships before. He'd been with women who didn't give a single care about him, and had also been with women who hid things. Of course, Mick didn't think that Nikki was doing the same thing that his previous girlfriends had, but it was a dreadfully similar situation. </p><p>Nikki frowned, but didn't answer. Not for a while, anyways. Instead, he danced around the edges, trying desperately to keep his face neutral in the midst of the mental battle he seemed to be going through. </p><p>They were all going through their own battles. Mick and Nikki, Vince and Tommy. They were all constantly on the precipice of falling down into the abyss and nothing, nor anybody, could stop them. </p><p>But, maybe, they could cushion the fall. </p><p>"Its hard to talk about things." Nikki admitted, carefully avoiding the contact like it might've killed him. Mick sighed in relief, his worry falling away, if only slightly, content in his assumption that Nikki wasn't going to make a run for it. </p><p>"Why?" Mick asked. </p><p>"Why not?" Nikki sighed, clearly frustrated. "I'm not Tommy. I'm not good with words." </p><p>Mick shook his hands. "You're fine with words whenever you write a song." He pointed out. </p><p>"But that's different." Nikki said, grinding the words out, putting an emphasis on them, as if trying to put so many meanings into three little words. He shook his head, and walked across the room, grabbing his jacket from where it was tossed onto a chair. "I'm going for a walk." He said, not giving Mick a second to question him before the door opened and then shut, slamming hard enough that the whole room seemed to vibrate from the aftershocks. </p><p>It said more than what it should've. </p><p>Mick sighed and lay back down, his head cushioned on the pillow, hands resting on his stomach. The ceiling was a pale, creamy yellow that reminded Mick of sunshine, and wasn't that ridiculous, because what rockstar thinks of <em>sunshine </em>but, hey, what's wrong with going against the mold? </p><p>What's wrong with wanting to help someone? </p><p>Not that Nikki would ever accept that help, oh, no. Nikki was a force to be reckoned with, a pale demon in the moonlight of the shadows, and there was not a single second that Mick allowed himself to think otherwise. </p><p>But that was what attracted him to Nikki. The kid had the spirit of a warrior, and the heart of a tiger. He fought until he was knocked down and then got straight back up again. </p><p>It was also what worries Mick. </p><p>Because with that heart of a tiger and the spirit of a warrior, came a mind haunted by ghosts and demons. Nikki seemed to see things that nobody else had seen before, whether it be in stage or in a bar or wherever else. His eyes were cold and jaded, and his words seemed to hold pieces to whatever he saw. </p><p>Mick squeezed his eyes shut. '<em>Why am I even here?' </em>He thought. It was something that he'd asked himself millions of times before, but this time seemed different. Maybe it was because he was older and wiser, not caring to spend the rest of his days in a place that he didn't belong. But, in that same breathe, Mick knew that he couldn't leave. </p><p>He loves this band, and, though it would take an expert torturer to drag the secret out, Mick cared deeply for these idiots that he'd found himself with. </p><p>And leaving them would - well, it would tear the world apart. </p><p>Mick didn't think he would be able to go on. This band was his whole life, and it distracted him, if only temporarily, from his health. He was too old to get into another band, and truth be told, he didn't want another band. </p><p>After a moment or two, Mick forced himself to get up and turn off the light, bathing himself in a darkness that seemed all too familiar. And he then he may back down, listening to the crickets, and the silence that came from being alone. </p><p>That was familiar, too. </p><p>An eternity seemed to pass. Mick wasn't aware that he'd fallen asleep until the door closed, and the sound of the lock sliding into place startled him from sleep. Mick opened his eyes, but all he saw was darkness, and the faint light that was seeping in from the window and pushing past the curtains. </p><p>"Nik?" Mick said into the darkness, making no attempt to move, suddenly weary. </p><p>Silence answered him. </p><p>It was a ridiculous thought that there was <em>someone </em>else in the room, but one that was certainly possible. Mick wondered if the door had been locked before, and he realized that, no, the door hadn't been locked, and he had only gotten up to turn the light off, and - </p><p>There was a body settling close to his. The bed dipped, and a shadow became visible. </p><p>"Scoot over, old man." Nikki grumbled. </p><p>Mick obeyed, suddenly aware of how wet Nikki was, and how he was shivering so violently that his teeth were snapping together. "What happened?" Mick asked, biting back irritation and amusement and settling for concern. </p><p>"Fucking rain." Nikki answered, burrowing beside Mick, his arms wrapped around his body, hair damp. "I walked too far." He added after a moment of contemplative silence. His clothes were soaked, but at least he wasn't in shoes. </p><p>Now that Mick thought about it, Nikki wasn't even wearing shoes when he left. </p><p>Mick let out a startled laugh. "You actual idiot." He said, gasping a little as Nikki pressed against him closer for some much-needed warmth. An inaudible mutter served as a temporary response. </p><p>Grunting, Mick shivered as little droplets of water found their way onto his own skin. "Go dry yourself off." He said, using one arm to push lightly at the younger man, but Nikki only scowled, obviously displeased by the demand. </p><p>"Like hell I will." Nikki said, though there was no real heat in his voice, probably because he was too cold to be anything but vaguely irritated. </p><p>With a weary sigh, Mick resolved to simply stretch somewhat and retrieve the blanket that had become tangled by their feet. Like he had done so many times before that it was simply routine, Mick wrapped the blanket around Nikki. </p><p>The bed was now drenched. Mick found himself thinking about how weird this relationship was, how they could go from about to have sex to almost arguing to now cuddling. </p><p>Neither of them were easy people, but they bounced off of each other, like their differences didn't seem to matter. </p><p>"Are we going to talk?" Mick asked, his fingers absent-mindedly stroking through Nikki's hair, untangling the damp strands in an attempt to either placate or comfort. Mick wasn't sure, but it was his default position, and it always worked. </p><p>"You have the patience of a saint." Nikki said with a short, raspy laugh that seemed to tear itself from his throat. The sound was reassuring, giving hope to this dark early morning. "Yes, we're going to talk." </p><p>Mick was tempted to laugh. <em>Of course </em>it took a long walk in the rain to get Nikki to talk. It was so typical, so stupid, but so endlessly endearing in such a strange way. </p><p>"Why don't you talk about personal things with me?" Mick asked, still stroking Nikki's hair. </p><p>"Because you already know everything about me." Nikki answered. It was simple enough, but not the true answer that Mick needed, not only for himself, but for Nikki. </p><p>"That's not what I meant." Mick said. "I practically have to force you to tell me when you're hurt or upset, like that one time with Vince. Why don't you just tell me?" He asked. </p><p>The words hung in the air, empty and promising. Mick was almost convinced that Nikki had fallen asleep, whether it be on purpose or an accident, but then an answer came. </p><p>It wasn't what Mick wanted, but it was what he needed. </p><p>"Because I have demons in my head." Nikki said, soft and quiet, his shivers decreasing somewhat. "And I don't want you to see them." </p><p>It was a confession. A bearing of the soul. In the early hours, the time almost seemed to stop. </p><p>The Earth stood still. </p><p>Mick grit his teeth together as he imagined those demons, and thought of the countless men and women over the years who had put them there. </p><p>But Nikki didn't need a savior. </p><p>He needed a lover. </p><p>Nikki wanted somebody to love him, even if he would never admit it. </p><p>"I think I've already seen some of 'em." Mick said, an admittance if was one. "I don't know what's really going on in that crazy little head of yours, but I'll be with you through it." He promised, pulling Nikki a little closer. </p><p>"Promise?" Nikki whispered, like a child asking for reassurance about the monsters under the bed. Quiet and scared, as if afraid of prompt rejection. </p><p>"I promise." Mick replied, earnestly and honestly. </p><p>Silence reigned, but it was comfortable, and this time, it felt okay. The quiet stretched on, but neither of them could complain about it. </p><p>With a smile beginning to tug at his lips, Mick took his chances. "So, can I get that, uh, thing you were offering earlier?" He asked, hoping for the best. </p><p>Nikki laughed. "Now?" He said, voice muffled. </p><p>"Yeah, why not?" Mick asked. </p><p>"Because I'm tired now!" Nikki said, curling up against Mick, as if for emphasis.</p><p>Mick waited a minute. </p><p>"Okay, fine." Nikki rolled his eyes, getting up begrudgingly. "But you owe me one, Mick." </p><p>"I'll be owing you more than one."</p>
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